God is Good

I haven’t written in awhile and I wanted to write something short today as I sit here with a throbbing head, back, and foot. You see I fell down the stairs today…God is good.

I am at my second day working at my new job. I remember when no one wanted to hire me ever, I tried to get a job at a pig farm and they didn’t want me. That was a horrible day and I will always remember not being wanted and not having any options. I was given so much information today that it caused a “Brain Damage head ache”. The best way that I can describe it is it feels like someone is trying to tear my brain apart, I don’t like the way it feels. The way that I found this job was that my neighbor here in New York got me in touch with someone. This person talked me in to applying for this job. My job caused me to have a headache today, God is good.

I have a house with stairs. I have a traumatic Brain injury. One of the things that I struggle with  is that I have terrible balance. I also have double vision and my vision causes me to go down the stairs with one eye open. In the back of my mind I am always waiting to fall down the stairs, today I did. I fell down the stairs partly because my head was hurting so bad from my hard day at work. I remember a time when I wasn’t sure where I would live and if I would ever to be able to own a home due to uncertainty with my future. I was often afraid that I would never own a home again and have nowhere to call my own. Today I fell down the stairs in my house, God is good.

When I first had my accident I couldn’t walk anymore and I had to relearn how to do it. I had to learn how to walk with both bad balance and double vision. I was able to walk to the stairs that I fell down. I am no longer in a wheel chair, God is good.

I have found out a terrifying fact for people who have endured head trauma. The fact is multiple TBIs  are common. After the first TBI the chances to get another head trauma increase drastically. I have a fear that I have shared before, I am afraid to become a prisoner inside my body again. I have experienced it when my body doesn’t do what I tell it to. Sometimes if something simple like not getting enough sleep happens then my body and brain don’t cooperate. When I fell down the stairs I really hurt my foot and my back. I am a little bruised up and I will be sore tomorrow. When I fell down the stairs I didn’t hit my head or break any more bones (I have broken several in the past), God is good.

I just wanted to write something today about how thankful I am. I used to think people that wrote things like this were crazy. In my case I lost almost everything and it gave me a chance to see what was valuable to me. I hurt pretty often, sometimes I can’t do what I want, and I don’t always get the things that I want. I do always get everything that I need, I am never alone, I am always loved, and God is good.