I’m rubber and your glue…
I have spoken to many people who have self esteem and confidence that is very low. Many of these people have asked me to work on this with them and I like to ask these people when they come to me if they want to change what they are doing. Some people have expressed to me that they would in fact like to change the way that they feel about themselves. Some people don’t want to change anything and I feel the difference is attitude. One of the issues that will arise is the fact that some people are willing to change how they do things and others are not. If someone wants to make a change it is then that the work starts. Some people want something for nothing, that is, they want results without time used or effort expended. If you want the change then I congratulate you for your bravery and encourage you to think about these things that I had to also.
When I was working on my confidence after my accident I did not have many people giving me ideas on what to do and how to change the way that I felt about myself. I like to make these write ups and I speak out of my pain. I do this so I can hopefully help someone with their pain. If I can help someone then my experience is a little more worthwhile and my pain isn’t wasted. I had many abilities that were less than what they were before and the pain that I was in made me even wonder if there was a point. I felt that I had no hope and wouldn’t see improvement anyway. I think mostly due to the fact that I lost all my hope, I actually wished that I would not have lived at one point. If that is you then you are not alone, if you need someone to just get in contact with please don’t hesitate. You can contact me through the email on this page, or you can tell someone. Please do not keep it bottled in any longer.
One of the things that I had to learn is to not try to deceive myself because words really do hurt. When I was around people that said things that made me feel bad about myself I finally decided it was a good thing to take action. If you hung around someone who said hurtful things what action could you take? What if we spoke up for ourselves and asked the other person to stop making us feel a certain way? When I finally roused the courage and talked to someone about how I felt, that other person had no idea and wanted to help fix the situation. I realized that if I take care of myself others will want to take care of me also.
I understand that when we talk to someone about how we are feeling that opens all kinds of scary ideas and scenarios that we create in our head. Our minds run rampant and they have a tendency to conjure up these images that involve our greatest fears. It is actually quite remarkable that the image that we think up is always filled with our greatest fear. The thing that we imagine if we speak up is the worst thing that can possibly happen to us. I think if we calm our emotions and look at the situation rationally that it would not be possible for every situation to be the scariest that it possibly can be. The odds would be astronomical for us to encounter that every time. Now I know that there is someone out there who is thinking or saying to themselves, “Well Ed that is how lucky I am, I can make the worst situations come alive every time”. If that is you keep reading.
The words that we think and the things that we speak are very powerful. Let me create a scenario and ask a question. Imagine that by some amazing chance you were split in half. Half of you became a child with ears, while the other half becomes an adult (maybe a parent) with a mouth. Now imagine that you the child is listening to every word that you the adult says and everything is directed from you the adult to you the child. How would you the child feel after a month with you the parent? How about one day? In short my question is how much abuse do you give yourself? Do you call yourself names? Do you say things to yourself like “Don’t talk to that person about how they make you feel, you aren’t worth it” (from our example in the previous paragraph)? Do the things you say to yourself help you succeed? Do the things that you say to yourself ensure that you will fail? For an explanation about my definition of failure please see my previous write up. I have spoken to people who, if they spoke to a child the way that they speak to themselves, would probably be punished for child abuse. How is it possible to succeed and try when we set ourselves up for failure?
When people are verbally abused the most common thing that I hear is, “After a while all you start to believe are the negative things”. My question is this: If we start to believe the negative things that we hear by people around us, what about the things we hear from those within us? I was a person who only thought negative things, because I didn’t have hope. I caused quite a few different problems for myself because I didn’t take the time to speak up for myself when someone was causing trouble. I also caused quite a few problems for myself because I didn’t think I was worth speaking up for myself. There are so many problems that could have been avoided by just speaking up. Sometimes that is a skill that has to be learned. The nice thing about commenting on this blog or emailing me is that there is no one around that will know you. Many people feel trapped by his or her profession and the worry of what others might think if they attend to certain issues that need to be addressed.
I look forward to hearing from you, either by message, or post on the blog. We can also be liked on Face book. I look forward to hearing from you and how you got Just beyond the Bend!