The Decision

             I decided with my wife to move to New York from Arizona. We have only been to New York 2 other times and while it is beautiful here, I have no family. I have a couple dear friends, but no job. My wife got to keep working for the same lucky company that she worked for back in Arizona however, with a pay cut. Before we got here we sold / gave away a bunch of our possessions (even a wall unit we brought from Germany), I quit my job, my kids left school and friends behind, we left family and security. Since we have gotten here we looked for a house, tried to learn the area, and just worked on making plans. We have never done anything like this before. We took approximately a week to get here and we used the move as a summer road trip to see some of the country and some family along the way. We felt lead by God to come to New York and are trying to figure out why. We started this blog because I left a job that I loved and I didn’t want to not be able to help people any more. I need to use what I went through with my accident because it helps me heal. I also mentioned that I try to use what I went through to help other people. There are others who feel things that I feel, sure, maybe different circumstances, but the same feeling. If I don’t try to show others what I have learned then my pain would be wasted and I went through it for nothing. These are some of the decisions that my wife and I have made. There are some who have told us that they wish they could do something similar to us, there are others who believe we are crazy. If we made the right decision time will tell!
          We all make decisions so I wanted to write about the decision. We make decisions that the effect lasts a long time and we make a decision that the effects last a short time. Decisions are interesting because they can pile up, so one decision possibly doesn’t have much effect. Many decisions along a set path can have drastic effects that not only change us, but others as well. For example, if there is someone who is healthy and fit, it did not happen with doing one push up or eating one salad. Conversely if there is someone who is not healthy and not fit, it did not happen with not doing one push up or not eating one salad. Some people look at others with envy and wish that they had what they have. Many times we feel like there is a lack of hope so why even try. I have been in this situation and understand this way of thinking. If we don’t feel like our attempt matters then why should we try?
              I look at it this way: There is someone who I will spend every moment with. There is someone who I will eat every meal with and I will sleep next to this person for the rest of my life. That person is me so why not get to know him? I know of people that I have worked with in the past and even I at times have struggled with the point of even trying something. Sometimes it feels like there is no point because whatever we do doesn’t work anyway. I have had to remind myself of 2+2. Now that 2+2 is in my mind and I live it, it is easier to remind others of it. So if you know what you have tried and it had never worked before, relax. Take hope because it can’t possibly stay the same anymore!
              Ed what do you mean by remembering 2+2? Maybe you are thinking well Ed you have hit the nail on the head with a previous write up when you wrote about lunacy. I am a lunatic when I try to do something to help myself. All of these things that you have written previously (or that you have learned from anyone else), all of them are pointless because I am a lunatic for trying something new, trying to face any of my weaknesses. If you feel this way, remember you aren’t alone. I can write about this because I have been there also. I know what it means to be broken. I won’t even dare to compare my pain with yours because there is no way to do it. I give this as an example. When my son was like 3 he wanted to go outside and play. I was home with him while my wife was working. I struggled with this as she did also. We struggled because I was home with him, I was in school, I was not working. Nobody wanted to hire me after my accident (imagine the blow to confidence there!) and I no longer had marketable skills (misery and a lack of hope!) so I worked on trying to rebuild myself and my life with the support of my wife. Well back to my son, he wanted to go outside and play. I would not let him go and he broke down crying. He hit the ground and just cried. It wasn’t the kind of crying that a bratty child would do, it was the kind of crying that we would do if someone died. I realized he was in pain. This pain would escape the notice of some, but those who have been brought down by pain to the point that they are forever changed recognize it in others. My son wanted to play outside and because I wouldn’t let him half of his universe was taken away. It was more than he could bare and it brought him down. Well back to explaining what I mean by 2+2, it is my proof that you can hope in things that you try and even though they may not work out, the situation can’t end in exactly the same way. 2+2 is 4, even if it is switched around 2+2=4. The outcome will always be 4, bank on it! What if you become a 3 or a 1? 3+2=5! This means the outcome changes because the facts changed. When I struggled with hoping for a different outcome I tried to remember 2+2!
              Well we have talked about changing the facts, now where to begin? After my accident I had an amazing amount of work that I had to do. I had to take a realistic look at my life and really examine my weaknesses. I know from myself and working with others that is a sore subject! Not many people like to look at where they are weak. Well when I looked at where to begin there were so many different places to begin the idea just got more and more over whelming. I would look around and wonder if I would ever get my life back. I have learned over time with both myself and others that there is often a list of problems. The list usually always has a beginning though. For example, I have worked around people that don’t do well in tests. A usual thing we would work on is feeling confident in taking the test. For many people that is the beginning. If someone doesn’t feel confident during a test then learning strategies to take a multiple choice test won’t help knowledge is useless without application. It won’t help (unless that knowledge helps the person to feel confident) because I have worked with people who fail every test they take even though they study for hours and know the information cold. When the person begins to feel confident about a certain situation they usually try new things to make it better. As confidence increases the feeling of panic will decrease.
              In essence the person goes from being a 2 to a 3. When a person changes the way they are doing things, things always must change. This is because the equation changed, therefore the outcome changes. I feel the biggest thing that was important for me to realize is that the change that I desired was possible. I went from someone who got their feelings hurt by anyone at any time. It didn’t matter if I knew you, or if you did something that involved me or not. I had the ability in my mind to make up a situation that made it a negative about me. I have been able to go from someone who was that way to someone who writes things on the internet. In that lies the most uncertain thing for sure. I have no idea if anyone even reads this. If someone does read this does it matter? There are so many uncertainties in just that and uncertainties are where fear comes in. It is the unknown that makes us afraid. So I just wanted to point out that this is how I know change is possible. If you want to you can like us on Face book. I hope you find what is just beyond the bend!

4 thoughts on “The Decision

  1. Your perseverance is inspiring! Most of us will never go through half of what you went through and come out with such a positive outlook on life!

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